Homer and the Lawn Mower
by Awb
Summary: How can one man get into trouble with a lawnmower? Homer Simpson can and there is no way he can't!


"Nothing is on!" Homer wailed as he flipped through the T.V. channels, one right after another.  
Marge heard this and popped her head into the living room. "Why don't you work on the yard outside, it's a really nice day."  
"Why have me do it, when the kids could?" Homer suggested, still staring at the T.V.  
"They already finished their chores and are at the park." Marge answered.  
"Well...when they get back, they can work on it." Homer looked up at Marge.  
"I think you should. It wouldn't kill you." Marge left and went back to the kitchen.  
"Oh, alright." Homer managed to get up off the couch and make his way to the garage, where the lawn mower was.  
"Jeeze...this thing is really old!" Homer looked at the lawn mower.  
"I should get the one that has a motor in it and is self propelling!" Homer threw it out and told Marge he was going to go to the Lawn Mower Store.  
"Don't buy anything over $100 dollars, and don't buy more than one!" Marge called after her husband as he grabbed his credit card.  
"This'll be so much fun!" Homer said excitedly as he pulled into the store's parking lot.  
He walked inside and saw row after row of marvelous lawn mowing machines.  
"So.... many..." Homer started to drool.  
"Hello sir, can I help you?" A salesman approached Homer.  
"I want a lawnmower...." Homer started, and remembered what Marge told him, "Buy anything over $100 and buy more than one!".  
"Anything! Give me one that has all the works!" Homer demanded.  
"Sure, come right this way." The salesman led Homer into the expensive part of the store.  
"Now here's one-" The salesman began.  
"I want one that has a chair!" Homer said.  
"Fine, right over here." The salesman walked into a different part of the store.  
"Ok, this one has a chair, and a drink holder." The man pointed out the features.  
"How much?" Homer asked.  
"$899." The man said flatly.  
"Where's a lawnmower that does the lawn for you?" Homer wriggled his eyebrows.  
"There is no such thing. But if you'd like one that has about everything in the world on it, like a computer, a T.V., a smoothie maker, a newspaper holder, a footstool and self massaging chair, well then by all means, come right this way." The salesman explained, leading Homer further and further into the store.  
"Wow." Homer dropped his jaw as he saw the lawnmower. "This is what I wanted from the beginning. Its so beautiful..." Homer sat in it.  
"It can be yours today!" The salesman said.  
"How much?" Homer asked.  
"Does it matter?" The salesman asked.  
"Well..." Homer again, flashbacked to what Marge said, "...buy anything over $100...".  
"No it does not and I want it now!" Homer laid back into the chair pleased.  
"Ok, just give me your credit card and you could mow this baby home today!" The salesman explained, taking Homer's credit card.  
A few moments later, Homer was tying the mower up behind his car.  
"This'll work." Homer stepped back to admire his handiwork on tying the mower to his car.  
"Are you going to pull the mower home?" The salesman asked puzzled.  
"Yeah, why?" Homer got into his car.  
"No reason. None at all." The man left, shaking his head.  
Homer arrived home, lawn mower and all. He quickly untied it from his car, and put some gasoline into it.  
"Here goes $2500." Homer said as he turned the key.  
The mower roared to life as the smoothie maker began making smoothies, and as the chair began massaging.  
"This is how you mow a lawn." Homer said as he drove around the yard.  
Soon, Homer was finished and decided to keep cutting, just to make it look like he was doing work.  
"Homer, dinner!" Marge called from the front door.  
"Kids, I've never seen your Dad work like this before. He's been cutting that grass well over 2 hours!" Marge said, setting out plates.  
"Maybe it's that new lawnmower." Bart suggested, getting pleasure from ruining his Dad's fun.  
"It's probably that...I wonder how much he paid for it." Marge stopped setting out plates and ran out into the front yard.  
"HOMER!! STOP!" Marge stepped in front of the mower.  
"WHAT-" Homer quickly swerved the mower into the Flander's yard, where he wrecked the fence and their garden.  
"Marge, what in the world?" Homer turned off the engine and ran to Marge.  
"How much did you pay for that thing?" Marge had her hands on her hips.  
"Well...I really can't remember..." Homer lied.  
"You remember. Now tell me, was it more than $100?" Marge asked sternly.  
"Yes..." Homer trailed off again.  
"Was it more than $200?" She asked.  
"Yes..." Homer replied.  
"$500?" Marge's face turned pale.  
"Yes..." Homer stood still.  
"Don't tell me it was more than $1000." Marge said.  
"It was..." Homer looked at the ground.  
"How much Homer?" Marge demanded.  
"$2500." Homer whispered.  
"$2500?!" Marge screamed. "You are returning that thing today! Right now! Go! Return! I can't believe you did that!" Marge stomped off into the house.  
"I never get to have nice things." Homer whined.  
He pulled the mower out of the Flander's yard and returned it back to the store, picking up a $100 mower.  
"I hate this lawnmower. It's so stupid. And ugly!" Homer scoffed at his lawnmower as he put it into his garage.  
He then walked into the house, where he stood face to face with Marge.  
"Did you get a reasonable mower, under $100?" Marge asked flatly.  
"Yes." Homer frowned.  
"Did you return the other one?" Marge asked again.  
"Yup." Homer frowned again.  
"You know you broke the Flander's fence." Marge hinted.  
"I know." Homer said.  
"Maybe you should fix it?" Marge asked.  
"I think the kids should." Homer suggested, taking a seat in the living room.  
"It's a nice day though." Marge replied.  
"Oh, alright!" Homer got up and went to the garage.  
"I'm going to need my saw to cut the wood-" Homer stopped short.  
"OH MY GOSH! This saw is so old and ugly! I must get a new one." Homer ran into the house and grabbed his credit card.  
"Where are you going?" Marge asked before he left.  
"We need a new saw. I'm going to the Saw Store." Homer hopped in his car.  
"Don't buy..." Marge didn't finish. "Oh, forget it." She closed the door as Homer sped off. 


End file.
